Schemes
by Kabetz
Summary: Three silly little drabbles. Completely ridiculous world-domination schemes based completely off of conversation I had with friends.
1. Chapter 1

Okay! so, this has been sitting in my computer for 3 years, and I decided to post it. Forgive me. Just 3 silly little drabbles based on strange conversations I had at work.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, nor do I make any money off of them or this work.

The insanity, however, is all mine.

It was a day like any other day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Heero Yuy was fearing for his sanity as he listened to yet another one of his best friend's brilliant get rich quick schemes. Or at least, Duo thought they were brilliant, until Heero inevitably pointed out that Duo was completely, unutterably, and absolutely totally insane.

Heero told Duo this a lot. Everyone wondered how the two had managed to be best friends for as long as they had, since it was so obvious to them that the boys were absolute opposites. Heero Yuy was quiet, serious, and had a tendency to fade into the background if allowed, whereas Duo Maxwell was loud, cheerful, and a complete jokester. However, despite these differences that made people swear they would be unsuitable friends, Heero and Duo were the best of friends because Heero's quiet, nature kept Duo's rambunctious one from being completely out of control, and Duo's humour kept Heero from taking everything too seriously to enjoy life.

_He's outdone himself this time,_ Heero thought, carefully keeping his face blank as he listened to his best friend chatter animatedly about his current plan. _I mean, even HE can't REALLY think this plan is in any way plausible._

"..And then, as I'm packing the bag, I swear I hear Kat say 'alligator bottling hats', which, honestly, made NOOOO sense to me. I mean, who would wear a cap that says alligator bottling? Its like advertising for something that doesn't exist...Well, I pointed this out to her, and she said, 'Alligator bobbling head. On the dashboard.', And I looked, and so there was, but then I thought, but what if it were an alligator bottling hat, so Kat and I planned out how we could bottle alligators, and then make the hats advertising that we bottled alligators, and.."

"Duo," Heero finally interrupted his friends endless babble, both to stop his head spinning, and to give Duo a chance to breathe, which he hadn't seemed to have done for the past ten minutes.

"Yes?"

"You're an idiot."

"Why?" Duo asked

"Who would want a bottled alligator?" Heero raised his eyebrow at Duo.

"Who wouldn't?" his friend countered.

"Well, me for one, and everyone else for two."

Duo sighed, and shaking his head in mock exasperation, put his arm around his friend's shoulder.

"Heero, Heero, Heero," he sighed again. "You're just jealous that YOU didn't think of bottled alligators, and won't be able to become rich from this brilliant plan. But, worry not!" Duo took on a dramatic tone, "I shan't forget you, when I am rich and famous, and you are a mere peon struggling to survive in this cruel, cruel world."

He turned to face Heero, and looked him in the eyes very seriously. "I'll give you a discount."

Heero smacked him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, Heero!! This one, this one is the one," Duo announced as he swept into the room. "This is the plan that will make me rich!!"

Another day, another scheme. Heero rolled his eyes, and kept typing. "Hn. What now, Duo?"

"Bananas," the other boy replied dropping himself into a sprawl on top of Heero's bed.

"Bananas," Heero repeated, turning from his computer to raise his eyebrow at his best friend, who smile brightly and nodded with great enthusiasm.

"Yep. See, I read somewhere, can't remember where, that bananas will be extinct within, like, the next twenty years or something, and I thought to myself, well, if I started a secret banana grow-op in my basement now, secretly, of course," Duo shot a semi-glare at Heero, as if daring him to tell anyone of his secret banana grow-op, "then when all the rest of the bananas are dead, I'll be the only one with bananas and I'll be able to sell them at incredibly unreasonable prices, and make millions."

Heero blinked blandly at his friend. Only a blind man would be unable to read the message sitting in those blue eyes.

"Duo."

"Yes?"

"You're an idiot."

Duo smiled brightly at his companion. "You won't be saying that when you want a banana, and I'm the only one who has them. Then, you'll be begging me to give you a special price. But don't worry!" Duo continued in a dramatic voice, "I shan't forget you when I am rich and famous, and you are struggling to survive, poor and banana-less! Since you are my best friend, I shall listen to your pleas!"

He smiled brightly at Heero. "I'll give you a discount."

Heero smacked him.


	3. Chapter 3

Duo burst into the room in his usual energetic fit, slamming the door into the poor unsuspecting wall. Only years of practice kept Heero from wincing at the impact.

"What is it today, Duo?" Heero asked, knowing full well his best friend had come to regale him with his newest scheme to make money.

Duo flashed Heero his biggest grin, and said very calmly (by Duo standards, so still more hyper than your average sugar-overloaded 5 year old.), "Hamsters, Heero. Hamsters."

Heero didn't even turn away from the computer. "And how are you going to use the hamsters, Duo? You're not going to bottle them like the alligators, are you?"

"'Course not! That would just be silly! Who wants bottled hamsters?" Duo rolled his eyes, shaking his head mock-sadly. "This is why I'm the brains of this operation, Heero. You just don't have the right ideas"

"Okay then, not bottling. Then...?" Heero finally turned to his friend, arching an eyebrow in question.

"Energy! I shall harness the power of hamsters to solve the world's energy problems! Imagine it, Heero! Millions of hamsters..no BILLIONS!, running their wheels, creating all the energy the world could ever need!"

"Okay, well, that should work at night, but what about during the day. Hamsters are nocturnal, you know."

"Hah! You think I would overlook that? Have some FAITH, Heero!" Duo's manic smile got even wider, if that were even possible. "Two shifts! While one room of hamsters thinks it's daytime and sleep, another room is running. After so many hours, you switch them. Its PERFECT!"

_Well,_ Heero thought,_ at least he put SOME thought into this one. _

"And let me guess," Heero said, "You'll give me a discount?"

Duo smiled in response.

Heero smacked him.


End file.
